10 Things I Learnt Today – 2nd February, 2014

  1. The navy’s eastern command headquarters are in Vishakhapatnam which is also the only port that will defend us from any attack from the east.  By sea.
  2. Dining with old people essentially means half the meal is spent arguing with waiters over nothing.
  3. If you are in a public profession and are known by a few people in a small way, the oddest place to be recognized is a bank because you are there usually to resolve something minutely clerical but the guy who recognized you can’t understand why you’d come down yourself to solve the clerical issue. You don’t have the heart to tell him because ‘I am that petty. And I think your bank is crap.’
  4. Columnists increase the number of columns they write not because they have multiple opinions but they need the cash.
  5. Everyone in India knows everything about the personal lives of everyone in Bollywood. Except the people that are actually working in Bollywood whose lives are being discussed. They have no idea.
  6. Woody Allen is not sure about the difference between Twitter and blogging. Or what those words independently mean.
  7. Space footage is the new new thing now. After Gravity, there’s a new space race, everyone’s donning the bulky white thingie and heading up there. Not to put a man on the moon but to put a high-tech camera on your chest and shoot how cool and blue the earth looks.  Only if other intelligent life knew what actually happens down here.
  8. There’s a reality TV show on a Hindi channel whose sole purpose is to get contestants to squeeze a foam ball out of a foam finger into a colorful waste paper basket for a grand prize of a momo dinner for two. This program has 8 different sponsors. Mad Men on an English channel has one.
  9. Smoke coming out of a Malaysian rice pot served at a Calcutta restaurant smells exactly like marijuana.
  10.  Urban legend rumor. An ICICI Bank ATM is never more than 500 meters from a Café Coffee Day. Anywhere in India. Unplanned. Or perhaps not. Hmm…

10 Things I Leant Today – 31st January, 2014

          10 Things I Learnt Today- 31st January, 2014

  1. Good artists love to talk about their art. Great artists are quiet reserved people who are done talking. They sit quietly worrying about how much they will get paid and when.
  2. Power cuts still happen. Like they did in India through the 80’s.
  3. Gene Hackman played Lex Luthor. And now Jesse Eisenberg. What does that say about time.
  4. Urban Indians can live without food, water, love. But not parties.
  5. People from Consulates get invited to everything in India. Especially things that don’t require anyone from a consulate. Like a car showroom opening.
  6. 90% of sales is liking the person selling you the thing.
  7. Salsa dancing is big in Riga
  8. Hearing middle aged men talk about how they can easily get laid in different world cities (or how they have), and how beautiful bartenders pour shots seductively in this or that nightclub must have sounded cool in…1989. Today, it sounds foolish.
  9.  The saddest person in the world is someone who hears a story like the one above and thinks he stands a chance in these cities and cancels existing plans to attempt a visit.

10. If someone you meet socially spends a couple of hours telling you how cool and wealthy and in demand they are, the first thing you’ll do once you get home is google them to find out how much bullshit there was in what they said. Even if there is none, you’ll find something. Its annoyance driving you, not fact.

10 Things I Learnt Today – 30 th January, 2014

10 things I Learnt Today – 30th November, 2014

 

  1. Facebook has a lot of “these photos are not the thing you think these photos are of” photos.
  2. The first 2 minutes of pretty much every phone conversation is at cross purposes till one settles on the point of the call.
  3. The saddest thing in the whole entire world to see is someone breaking up in a Café Coffee Day queue. It is even sadder to be stuck behind them waiting.
  4. Most hotels around Heathrow don’t advertise anything except, bed, wifi, coffee. They know no one is looking for anything else.
  5. No matter how old you are, a parent will always suggest what you should wear if you are going out. And it will usually be an insane suggestion. Like blazer.
  6. My old school has new fancy black grill gates which gives it a look of a medieval fortress. In my time, I don’t think it had gates. Which could explain how everyone got in and the level of my education.
  7. The movie star model Arjun Rampal’s nightclub received an eviction notice from a hotel which his PR responded to by saying they were malicious rumors spread by a “jealous rival”. Jealous rival male model reminded me of Zoolander.
  8. I have seen the historian Ram Guha speak at 7 different locations in India. 3 of them in one city.
  9. An elderly lady came up-to me yesterday and said. “ You are doing so well.” Pause. “What do you do?”
  10. 10.  A socialite explained to my wife and me that the main reason a certain celebrity was homosexual was because his mother played a lot of rummy and he had lots of spare time in his childhood. Adding, “So sad. But what else was he supposed to do. No one to look after him.”

10 Things I Learnt Today – 29th January, 2014

  1. The morning after, detecting what meal caused the stomach upset the night before is a search in one’s head that would shame Sherlock.
  2. Calcutta is the only city in the country where a 23 bedroom house from the Victorian era is considered a poor man’s home because future generations have left and someone aging remains, in penury.
  3. Rahul Gandhi  is turning out to be a genre of comedy, like satire, spoof, sketch, by itself.
  4. Socializing with the same people over and over again in different locations has a feeling of hell to it. Like Sartre’s No Exit
  5. If it is past midnight and you are going to play loud music at the wedding of a loved one to show off your importance in the neighborhood, someone from the neighborhood will abuse you.
  6. Cats are close to you as long as you give them stuff. Unlike dogs who just hang around because its good enough. In that way cats are like your children and dogs like a grandparent.
  7. In a work meeting when someone is smiling at you, they are figuring out a way in their heads, of not paying you.
  8. Cold is the tropics is pesky cold. Sneaks up on you. Cold in the western hemisphere is insane cold. Attacks you.
  9. There is no such thing as a “I did nothing” day. No matter how hard one tries.
  10. Free vouchers, points, miles gift certificates etc.  never quite work exactly as you want them to, or they are supposed to. They never work.

 

 

10 things I Learn Today – 27th January, 2014

 Hello World,

  1. I met Vikram Seth. He is a genius. And he’s quite short. Twenty minutes into chatting with him I realized, fuck I’m talking to Vikram Seth.

 

  1. I also realized the best way to go up to a celebrity you admire is to just go up to them and say, “Look I’m a big fan and I have absolutely nothing new or insightful to say to you that you haven’t already heard”. I didn’t do that

 

  1. The good thing about families is that sometimes, just having an extra person. Just the fact that there is another human being. Their existence. To provide a physical presence. Regardless of what you think of him/her.

 

  1. The Victoria Memorial has a statue of Warren Hastings flanked on either side by two mysterious Indians supposed to represent something.

 

  1. Arnab Goswami went to Oxford.

 

  1. Some Taj Hotel exclusive room has a Hussein painting.

 

  1. I understand why people drink whisky to obscure things.

 

  1. Thin strips of crab meat are awesome.

 

  1. Rahul Gandhi wants to transform a system which is wonderful but impossible to understand what that means in an already democratic system. And no one asked.

 

  1.  The saddest thing to see ever is to see an educated person trying to sell someone rich something rubbish that he knows is rubbish but soon after, abandoning that to beg.

 

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